Dating apps | LEVEL 05

What are the most common lies people tell on dating apps?

Most people feel very bad about telling white lies on dating apps. Thanks to a new study, we now know why.

Researchers at Stanford University found that dating app users typically lie for the main reason of appearing more interesting, and subsequently, more dateable. It is an strategy, that's all!

It may come as a surprise but, the findings, published in a paper called Deception in Mobile Dating Conversations, revealed that the majority of deceptions were not about increasing the probability of hookups, or casual sexual interactions.

Jeffrey Hancock, a professor of communication in the Stanford School of Humanities and Sciences and a lead researcher, said: “Most of these lies were about relationships – or not starting relationships – rather than lying to hook up.”

In order to examine what people lie about on dating apps, the researchers analyzed about 3,000 messages sent from 200 participants during the “discovery phase." The discovery phase is the time before daters actually meet in person.

By collecting “dating deceptions” from the discovery phase, researchers found that seven per cent of these messages were “deceptive.”

the various lies told, of which there were many, the most common lies had to do with availability or lack thereof.

These deceptions are referred to as “butler lies” by Hancock, who created the term to refer to lies that politely initiate or terminate interactions, but can also save face if you decide to meet up in the future.

In some cases, they were used as a way of appearing more attractive to the other person.

Because playing hard to get is a time-tested method for increasing dating interest, limiting availability through deception was common.

David Markowitz, another Stanford researcher and co-author, said: “Being always available might also come across as being desperate. Therefore, people will lie about their availability or their current activities.”

According to the research, published in the Journal of Communication, approximately 30 per cent of the lies told were butler lies.

An example of one such butler lie was: “Hey I’m so so sorry, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it today. My sister just called and I guess she’s on her way here now. I’d be up for a rain check if you wanted, though. Sorry again.”

The participant rated this lie as “extremely deceptive,” according to the study, but sent the message because they didn’t want to end communication with the other person.

Although you may want to seem spontaneous, in reality, planning and preparing for a date can require some time.

Others used technology as their excuse for not meeting up - relying on the "broken phone" lie. Have you ever heard the "broken phone" excuse?

However, the good news is the frequency of lies participants told on dating apps was relatively low, according to Markowitz and Hancock.

“The data suggest that mobile dating deceptions are strategic and relatively constrained. Most of the messages people report sending are honest and this is a positive step towards building trust in a new romantic relationship,” Markowitz said.


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